Delta Days...um week 3, Wednesday?

It's hard to gauge how long I've been in ATL. In a sense, I feel like, "what, we've already been here for 3 weeks???" but at the same time, "how can it only be the start of week 3???" 

With the amount of information they've thrown at us in the last two, it certainly feels like it's been longer. There's at least a months worth of curriculum we've already gone through. It's customer service week & I'm super excited because we will have our first real flight on Sunday where we get to put some of the things we've been learning & practicing into action. Customer service, easy peasy. Pretty simple & common sense stuff. For me at least, growing up in a restaurant & having been a server for a good majority of my life, this week has been somewhat breezy so far.  Speaking of breezy, ATL has been thunderstorms & lightning all week. Not so fun. Kind of makes me miss Washington that much more. And my solitude. The peace & quiet that come with home.

Being surrounded by people 24/7 is taking its toll on me. I find myself wishing more and more I had been lucky enough to get my own room. Recharging is definitely something I really need right now. And don't get me wrong, my roommate is great. We get along really well & haven't had any issues. I'm just used to so much more personal space... pretty normal angst really.

This blog though isn't so much about training (I'm not even supposed to be blogging about training really anyway) as it is I just need to get some things off my mind. Dump a few loads out so I don't have to carry the weight of it around with me. Especially to training & class.
I don't know if I'm certifiably depressed or just weird or just in a stupid semi-funk but I definitely feel like it right now.

I wish I could crawl into someone's arms some days...Who would tell me that it's okay...that everything is going to be okay & that I don't have to do everything on my own all the time. That life gets easier. Not harder & if it is hard right now, that I don't have to go through the hard stuff alone.

As much as I feel like I have it together & as strong of a woman that I've come to be, I'm just feeling right on the brink of exhaustion yet I can't completely let myself get there because there isn't somebody's arms to catch me or comfort to sink into. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. Or maybe that's just the way it is. Does anyone really know? I miss being sure of myself. And I honestly know that it's just a fleeting feeling & I'm actually really at a good place right now. I'm just afraid that if I don't let all of this angst out right now, or if I wait any longer, it will throw me into a much deeper funk that's harder to climb out of. I'm so tired of falling into funks though. Why can't they just stop altogether?

Why is it that I've had conversations with God & declared that I am of Him & for Him & that I have chosen Him. That I see I am here to be his shining glory & in the same way that I want to make my mom proud of me & my actions, I want my Creator to be proud of his creation. Whether our creator is the Christian God or another deity, I respect the fact that life is not about me. Yet I feel so self-absorbed in this little bubble called Delta Air Lines Training Center. It seems I escaped one bubble only to fall into another one. And I can't help but feel that this blog is self-centered. It's all about me, me, me. Yet I don't know how else to take care of myself while also being mindful of the global community we live in today.

Some day I'd still like to be a teacher. A teacher of what & for whom, I'm not sure. But I want to inspire others to be GOOD. I want to make a difference. A positive one. I want to change the world one small action at a time. I'm not even sure why. Only that it makes me feel good by doing good. So either way, it seems to go back to me. And how it makes me feel. Odd isn't it.

I guess it also just makes sense. No one likes to feel bad do they? I know I'm not the only one who thinks these thoughts but at times like this I feel so melancholy & so lonely. Nothing takes the longing away. I read things & hear things & have conversations with all sorts of people on a regular basis & I know that I'm not off my rocker. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm actually one of the more sane people out there. I have consciously thought through my actions & my behaviors & have actively participated in my life & stayed PRESENT as well as responsible for myself when most people my age are enjoying the privileges that their parents & wealth have made available to them. And yet I can't be angry at them because life & death afterall, do not seem to be biased, and just like me, they're only making the best of the hand that's been dealt to them. Life's not fair right.  Life isn't even that pretty all the time. But life keeps going whether you're there or not. Life goes on. It doesn't seem to matter how it goes on. Just that it does.

Whatever point I'm trying to get at, I don't really know. Mostly I'm just trying to stem the tide of thoughts bombarding my brain & funnel them into something slightly more tangible.

On a slightly different thought-train, as exciting as everything is & is going to be, as many adventures as I might/will have, I would trade all of this for love. That true love we all crave. I say all because I hope that innately, we ALL do crave love. But honestly, there's a whole crazy world out there. And some very strange people. And I just don't know anymore.

But what I do know is that I want to find my best friend. Whoever he's supposed to be. I simply want to share & build my life WITH someone. Not spend or waste my life LOOKING for him. I'm not even saying there's just one guy out there for me,  I just want to find one that's right. In all the places that matter. I want someone to come home to who I can trust & count on when I'm away. But someone I can share all of this excitement & these perks with. Nothing I gain out of life is even great until I can share it with people I love & care about. If I had someone I could share this time in my life with, it would make everything that much sweeter.  And yes, they say you can't hurry love (no you just have to wait....it doesn't come easy. It's a game of give & take. blah blah blah blah.....) but I'm not even saying I want love immediately right now. I just want a guy who isn't gonna cheat on me. Who is going to trust me. And who isn't going to annoy or suffocate me till I wanna pull my hair out. Who I can legitimately snuggle with & not feel guilt for sleeping with & being intimate with. Who is my one & only. Nevermind love & marriage. Sure those things take time. Understanding. Maturity on both levels. And YES, of course I eventually would like it to lead down that road. BUT.

Right now, I just don't want to get all crazy dating guys left and right just because I can. I don't enjoy it. I don't even like dating or getting to know people on a superficial level. I want to be past all the awkward stages & bypass all the fronts & just be straight with someone. The excitement for me will be discovering something new about that someone or discovering new things we both find joy & happiness in; TOGETHER. The excitement for me is not about the games or the coyness or the butterflies even. I can get butterflies cliff jumping thank you very much.

I need companionship. Comfort. Security. A man's honesty. I'm not so fragile that I can't handle the truth. I need someone who understands that. That in my very core, I long for an open & honest relationship with someone. With everyone really. I make every effort to be honest in all my relationships with people. It's a pretty simple concept really. But I do want someone to make special. And someone who might want to make me special. Is that really so freaky that most men turn & run the other direction? Are there really people out there who don't have a longing to simply BE with someone? Or are they lying to themselves as much as they're lying to me?

Just be honest people. I swear it makes life SO much easier.

I just want to share my life with someone special. Even if for a short while. I crave a deeper connection in life & I refuse to search for it in a bong, in a bar or in a stranger's bed. I say this only because I'm afraid of what this career means for my relationships with people. I'm afraid that it's opened up a whole new world of pure excitement & not enough stability. And for an adrenaline junkie like me, it doesn't bode well. It's a recipe for mistakes I don't want to make. For mistakes that I don't want to make twice.

And that's the truth. I don't want to make the same mistakes or even similar mistakes. I'm young. And it's great because at this point in my life, the possibilities are still endless. And I'm allowed to make mistakes. To "live and learn" but at what point does that all change? Never right? So I just go through life making mistake after mistake? No thank you. I have a choice. Every single moment that my brain works & I have control over my facilities, I have the power to choose. Any route I choose. And not one person can tell me otherwise. Only God determines what I can or cannot do. But my God also gave me a choice. And I've chosen Him. So what now God?

FA Training Days 4-6

Welp. End of day 6. It's 01:40 in ATL right now & my roommate & I are trying to get some shuteye since we only got a few hours night before. SO much fun & laughter tonight I can hardly contain it all. This experience is SO wonderful & amazing & you can all say it's cheesy but I'm getting the opportunity to work with some of the most naturally friendly & outgoing people I'll probably ever meet in my entire life.

Like I said before, everyone is just SO nice. Unbelievably polite. If you've never been to the south, I suggest you come see it for yourself. I swear I already have a bit of an accent but I LOVE their southern drawl so I'm gonna lay it on thick y'all. Uhm jus lovin' everythin about training & learning all of this new & exciting stuff. There's SO much we learn in a day. We just finished our first exam & a lot of us from K4 decided to walk to a nearby pub to celebrate our first successful week.

It's fantastic. Facebook has pictures of "DaWn". Hahaha this is for my memories only*. Dawn will forever be remembered for how quiet she is...

My fellow trainees are great. They really are becoming like family. Everyday we bond more & more. There's no doubt about it. My facilitators know what they're doing & without a shadow of a doubt I know that in the next 6 weeks we will learn everything there is to know about securing an aircraft for taxi, takeoff & landing & everything else in between & be some of the best out there. Flying an aircraft is no joke. The amount of information they expect us to digest is really quite extensive but everything we get to learn is pretty fascinating. I can honestly say I think I will have one of the coolest jobs in the world at the end of this whole process. The sheer amount of information we are learning is enough to scare most people but I came here to stick it out & to accomplish something. I'm in so much more awe of Delta's flight attendants & pilots than I have ever been before & feel like I've won the job lottery. It's truly an awesome learning environment & training center & I can't wait to learn more. I look forward to graduation at the end of the 7 week process & getting to know my fellow trainees even better. Everyone has something unique & different to offer but they're, we're all so smart. Yes, I said we're meaning myself included. I don't think I've ever actually FELT so confident in my own abilities until now or been so proud of myself. I can't wait to have my mom fly over to see me graduate & to pin on my flight wings....

Goodnight for now. I'm exhausted.! Much love to everyone back home! ATL weather has been fabulous. Sun, sun & more sun. Come visit!

 

That's DaWn in the middle there. And that's Nate to my left. He's my work hubby! :) 

 *So I showed up to the first day of class & we were all given assigned seating. Our classroom is on the 3rd floor of the training facility & looks like any standard classroom. There are three rows of desks from the front of the classroom to the back with five, maybe six, 2-person desks in each row. "DaWn" (not to be confused with Don) was my desk buddy for the first 2 days of class but for whatever reason she has not actually been to training...with all the accents 'round here it was hilarious when a fellow trainee of mine asked whether a Don was supposed to sit next to me or a DaWn. I almost died laughing when he said, "Oh DaWn, you're so quiet!" :D And that is why I will always remember my desk buddy, DaWn, from training. (And you MUST emphasize the W when you say DaWn)

 

Delta Training: Days 1-3

Hey friends & family!!

I know some of you have been waiting to hear all about training & all about my new adventures here in ATL! So here is a mini update! It's been only three days since I've arrived. Well technically today is day four but it feels like we've been through at least a week to two weeks of training already.  Our days have been so packed from 07:00 until 19:00 except today we got out by 16:00 EST hence the blog update! I mean EVERY minute has been filled. FULL. lol.

I'm loving Atlanta & the people here are all so nice! Prepare to hear a southern drawl...=) They know their hospitality & manners around here that's for sure & it's been really nice. Almost everyone, from the hotel's front desk employees & the shuttle drivers to almost every single person at the Delta training facility have been super gracious & welcoming. Graciousness is a big thing around here & trust me, it's extremely nice!

Oh what else?! Honestly, so much has been packed in the last few days it's hard to remember it all. I'm really looking forward to the next FORTY-FIVE days in ATL. Forty-five! Haha training is intense & will only get more intense tomorrow but I'm looking forward to every second of it.  I'm really not sure I'll have time to update my blog & actually there's only so much I can really disclose.

I'm loving my job so far & have a feeling I'll only love it more the more & more I learn.  Our next weeks are PACKED. My class (K) is set to graduate April 29th & we will begin work as qualified FAs by that following Monday.  Many of us are going to be based in NYC. So NYC here I come....!!!

We found out by the 2nd day where we'd all be based so there ya go. I'm excited. I'm really excited.

I can't forget my roommate! She's from IND (Indianapolis) and so far so great! We get along really well. I also seem to be pretty darn lucky in a lot of departments. We apparently are staying at the nicest hotel of the 3 or 4 or 5 different places trainees are dormed. We're staying at Hyatt Place South. K4 (the core I'm in) and K3 are all dormed here for the next 6 1/2 weeks. K1 & K2s are at Hyatt Place North. We get a complimentary continental breakfast every morning! :) And more than 700 of us are currently training at Delta's campus. ! Many classes before us are graduating then it will be our turn! Oh also, correction,
they had 107,000 applicants & hired just around 1300 new recruits.

Wowza. It's great to be here. Everyone is pretty much on point. Us trainees are some of the most well spoken & outgoing people I've ever met. And so diverse. It's wonderful. If everyone could experience something like this I totally recommend it. The opportunities for growth with Delta are seemingly endless. The sky's the limit! :)

The company koolaid is quite refreshing. I'm so serious. You know, some people drink the koolaid cause it's the only koolaid they might ever get in life, but I'm drinkin their koolaid cause it's good. It's just good stuff all round. It's fantastic & the company culture is about safety, customer service, teamwork, professionalism & even better yet, integrity &...."Service from the heart" and "I CAN" and honesty, sincerity, graciousness, professionalism, warmth & very GOOD heartfelt values are taught. We're being indoctrinated into a global company that coaches us & teaches us to be genuine & classy.  Speaking of classy, we've got some classy uniforms! :D We got fitted for our uniforms (Oooh, Mom, you're gonna LOVE the red dress!) yesterday for uniforms designed by Richard Tyler & I got to meet THE "Deltalina" or, Katherine Lee, today, who is the FA in Delta's onboard safety video.  Life is certainly great. And now I should go & finish some homework. !

Our schedules are PACKED. Sundays are our "days off" & some Saturdays.  I think we've only got one full weekend off but Midterms are that following Monday. We also fly three of those 6 Sundays....haha so really it's all the same. I'm shootin for full marks so we shall see how much free time I really have...So it's time to buckle down now! 

Lots of love to everyone back home, I miss you Washington, but ATL is sittin at about 70 degrees & there are trees so I'm quite happy to be here. I wish you could be here too.! Oh feel free to send me some love in the form of letters, cookies, messages, etc... =)) Girl's gotta eat too...! ;) Call or text me if you'd rather send it straight to my hotel room...hehe


For United States Postal Service:
Delta Air Lines, Inc.
In-Flight Service Learning
Department 614
P.O. Box 20706
Atlanta, GA 30320-6001


For Package Delivery (i.e. FedEx, UPS, etc.):
Delta Air Lines Training Center
In-Flight Service Learning
Initial FA Training
Department 620
1030 Delta Boulevard
South Loading Dock
Atlanta, GA 30354

Joi Gien Bellingham.

That's Cantonese for "Until we meet again."


I've got one more night in the city I've come to love. And it's absolutely just a little melancholy...


I'm really trying not to focus so much on leaving & looking at this more as an embrace of better things to come. But man it's hard. I'm REALLY going to miss my friends & family...homesickness here I come! I will miss the evergreen trees & the weather. Yes the rain. I grew up in Forks after all. And am forever a product of my upbringing. I'm really going to miss the mountains... ugh. Enough. I look forward to my new adventures...& I know deep inside, I've always been meant to explore the world.
Until we meet again Bellingham...

The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs. (~Vance Havner)

One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it. (~Sidney Howard)

The important thing is to strive towards a goal which is not immediately visible. That goal is not the concern of the mind, but of the spirit. (~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry)

Weirdo.

I'm such a freakin oddball. Weirdo. Quirky-nut. I don't think people know what to do with me sometimes.
I don't know what to do with me sometimes. It's quite the predicament. But you know, I have a lot of fun figuring it out & letting people wonder. Just wish someone had the actual balls to give me a taste of my own medicine.

All out of fun of course. I don't mean to be such a weirdo but sometimes it's just so much fun. I imagine Johnny Depp has quite a bit of fun...

:) My sanity is perfectly intact. If nothing else, it's just as intact as yours so...take it as you will. :)

I need to pack. But I've been procrastinating so badly. I've even hung up pictures in my house to avoid packing my stuff to move across the country. I finally put up the mirrors I bought from IKEA like 2 months ago...what is wrong with me? It takes me moving across the country to hang stuff up & put down roots...I just don't wanna leave...I mean of course I'll be excited at some point but that old, when you're 5 & afraid to spend the night at someone else's home anxiety is beginning to creep its way in...making me less excited to move & jetset around the world...

Wow, weird right? Don't say I didn't tell you so. I'm a weirdo. This too shall pass. I'll be super excited I'm sure. But I still have to PACK! Especially since Schooster is moving in tomorrow. Well today. Technically.

Hasta manana then!

Double Standard

Started out
Innocent
As a kiss & caress can be

Both breathing hard
She said no more
He said that's fine

Resolute
They both agreed

She pushed the test to try to find.
A gentlemen worth her time.

He failed like others before him.

The deal was sealed.
They did the deed.
As every man is expected.

For her, they whisper & say
Self respect went out the Door.
Whore.
But for him he'll bask in splendor.

Respect for she?
But who is he
to say she can't have either

Disappointment follows. Shallow. Hollow. Stubbornly.

The resolve
Once dissolved

Can never return
To how it used to be

Burp.

forever single?
I have a dilemma
cant pen my thoughts
in a coherent manner

some days are better
today not so much
heres to hoping tomorrow
finds me more luck

this feeling shall pass
as I know it does
but in the meantime
I'm in something of a fuss

these thoughts seem trivial
and even very silly
I'm acutely aware
that I should just be sleeping, really

what mind possesses
and what thoughts that may
right now I feel
I should keep them at bay

anger threatens
to rise up & lash
its nasty little talons
strike out & verbally bash

I'm no saint
nor much of a poet
but tonight I can say
that I'm trying to control it

so here's to keeping it together
this ones for my sanity
and before you go pointing fingers
I suggest you double check your vanity

Back hurts. Bad.

I really have nothing too profound or thought provoking to share but I figured I'd just type & let my mind empty as it may.

Well here's something. My back has been killing me. For the last 5 days ever since last Friday...before I drove to my moms & then flew to LA. Major pinching in my spine. It's a gnawing, nasty biting, & relentless...And today it's crept to my right side. Which hasn't happened before in this whole last year.  I bring it up now because it's like my whole back is spasming... I think part of it is my lack of sleep & being up on my feet so much & not letting my back stretch out. Like I'm doing now. It's seriously very painful. I don't know what to do about it :/. Time to go is what.

Sleep.

Calls. Back hurts. aaarrrrrrgh. Stupid car accident & drunk drivers.!!!!! UGH. Ouch....!

The good, bad & the ugly

Transparency. I'm listening to Griffin House's 42 and a Half Minutes album where he is discussing why he wrote So Wrong, So Right. And I can't help but think about myself. Of course.

I'm perfectly imperfect & sometimes I'm mean & selfish.


I'll be the first to admit my faults. Of which I have many.  And yeah yeah yada yada ya, we all do. But when I wrote that sentence in my About Me section on Facebook, I was thinking about how so many of the guys I date seem to be shocked when I get angry & act less than agreeable or lady-like. Whatever that means. They are surprised that I fight dirty, that I yell. That I say things no on should say.  I'm sorry. I don't believe in this sort of behavior on a regular basis but to put it frankly (the only way I seem to be capable of putting things) I'm fighting with you. When I'm fighting, I'm not exactly trying to be nice. I'm trying to win.

I'm fighting for a reason. Whatever the reason, I believe it to be a good enough reason to fight for what I believe to be right. And in my book, all's fair in love & war. It's true. Whether I'm actually right or not, I think I am. Therefore I will fight. For myself. For somebody else. To make a point. And to win. Win over the other party. And if it's a fistfight, I'm trying to be the last man standing. The one who gets the last punch.

Most of us have a gross misperception of ourselves. I appreciate reality checks. I WANT people, my friends to tell me what they really think of me. I wholeheartedly agree that Between whom there is hearty truth, there is love. ~Henry David Thoreau


Give me hearty truth.

Some thought fragments....

next time you point a finger I'll point you to the mirror -Paramore, Playing God


Matthew 7:1-5
 ¹ “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

   ³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.